Remembering a Brother

I just came across some old music that brings me to a time where life only consisted of hanging out with friends.

The friend that came up in my mind is nothing short of a brother to me.

His name is Chris Despain (Chrissy) 

I met Chris when I was about 3-4 yrs of age, when my mother used to drop me off at his house to be babysat while she went through college. I remember looking out his window seeing all of my brothers and sisters at the bus stop leaving for school feeling so jealous...(little did I know, ha)  Chris and I hit it off immediately.  I mean I was used to being the youngest.  And now I had a little friend I could pick on ;).  He was 2 years younger then me (in diapers).  But I still remember the good times we had.  As I grew older, Chris and I grew inseparable. We did everything together.  Learned tricks on the trampoline, learned capoeira, beating video games, going on trips, making fun of his senile grandpa.  I taught him things like how to dress, how to talk to girls, and eventually how to get in to trouble.  Chrissy and I loved doing everything together.  We had succesfully applied ourselves at learning lots of different things.  We were teenagers now and wanted to think of a way to make friends while showing off a talent we loved.  So we decieded to start a band.  Chris was already a shredder.  Within months he became a guitar player that literally blew my mind away.  So to keep up, I quiickly learned drums.  I played on his electronic drumset (which would be the start of something amazing) looked like this---

with these new talents, we started a band called Night After Dark.
You can see our page here--- (try not to laugh)

http://www.freewebs.com/nightaftrdark/index.htm

 Some band Pictures----

Chrissy is the one with the white element shirt.

We played hardcore Emo music... like I said, try not to laugh.


Chris and I having always had a brotherly connection.  He's always looked up to me.  When I started getting into life ruining substances, he followed.

Fortunately I was able to make a change for myself.  I was able to get out of the lifestyle and move on.  Chris was less fortunate.
What made me think of all this is, while I was changing my life around, I wanted to be a good influence on my little brother.  I began emailing him to start writing some music together again.  What happened was, I ended up writing drum loops and he would write and record guitar parts and send them back.  I found the files on my computer the other day and it gave me a bitter/sweet feeling.

I ended up spending some time with Chris.  But all he talked about was drugs and how they made him feel.  I decided to put more focus on myself and lead by example.

About a year and a half later,
On the day my daughter (Ellie) was born, I received the most terribly devastating voice message I hope to ever receive.  It was Chrissy's mom Susan.  She began crying saying, "I haven't had the heart to call you until now, but Chrissy has passed away from a heroin overdose.  We have already had his funeral.  He is buried in Lindon.  Goodbye"




This news has broken my heart every time I think about it.  I can't even think sometimes that he is actually gone.  No more little brother.  All the times we had, erased.  All the memories locked up in a safe with a combination I don't care to know. 

Drugs are EVIL.  They'll only hurt you. They'll only make your life worse.  They'll only hurt the others around you.

I hope everyone who reads this can learn from it.

-Ben